Invisible to you
by comebacksirius
Summary: Hermione loves someone she really shouldn't, and that love is bringing her on the fringe of madness. Will she ever find redemption, or will she ever stay... invisible to her ? Hermione/Minerva HGMM femslash rated R angsty angsty angsty
1. An obsession

_**Disclaimer : If I owned HP, it would never have ended.**_

_**Rate : R, because I can't do any differently**_

Hermione was waiting, arms crossed, unmoving, her gaze overlooking the train rails in front of her, rails that went their way, bending around Scottish hills, in the direction of the big city of London.

Her posture seemed calm and meditative, but in reality, her mind was fuming. It was 12 p.m., and the Hogwarts Night Express would be entering the station any moment, with its few passengers, most of them going back in their houses in Hogsmeade, none heading for the well known castle.

It was mid January after all, and all students had been long back from their "Christmas in the family". Hermione had not gone to the dentists' house this year. She had stayed in Hogwarts, because over the last months, she had been planning something that would, well… seem rather hard to believe for most.

Hermione had, in fact, acted rather strangely since the start of autumn term. But her fellow students had not taken time to notice that. Even her two best friends would have, if asked, told that Hermione was being her usual self, studying and helping others in their homework. They were too occupied with Quidditch and girls, anyway, to notice anything wrong about their friend.

But in her free time, however, Hermione was not reading supplementary books or joining in group activities like she would normally have done. She was mooning over someone she really shouldn't. And it had become quite an obsession. Every time that person went by in a corridor, or leaned over on her desk to give her her exam copy ; her face would redden and she would start breathing heavily and uncontrollably, sometimes her hands would shake or her brains would feel like they had just been liquefied, her stomach would knot or her legs would almost give away. It was an unpleasant feeling.

But the worst unpleasant feeling was when she woke up in the morning, after a wonderful dream about green eyes looking down lovingly at her and dark tresses gliding over her chest and stomach, long, agile fingers making love to her and white, sharp teeth scratching her smooth, round shoulder.

Those dreams felt so real to her that when she roused, the loss of this overwhelming feeling brought her to angry tears and made her collapse on her bedroom floor. She would then feebly make her way to the water room and thoroughly rinse every part of her body, as if to wash away the pain and the threatening weight of the oncoming depression.

When she would cross the Gryffindor common room, she would not look at anyone; she would then miss breakfast and linger in the library, pressing her head hard on the bookshelves wanting to hurt herself or just looking absently into the air. She had really become dark during those lonely months, a dementor could have passed her by and not notice her, thinking she was one of his friends. Her soul had been taken away, as her heart. And the innocent Minerva Mcgonnagall did not know a thing about the broken girl she had involuntarily made hers.


	2. A shoulder to cry on

_**Disclaimer : If I owned HP, there would have been no epilogue, and especially no lame one**_

_**Rate : Still R**_

_**Author's note : This chap is a little bit less angsty, and has a lighter tone, but this won't last… so enjoy ; )**_

**R&R**

**Auraya Kairi Black : Thanks very much for your review ! I do plan on writing a multi-chapter fic ^_^ and I'm very happy you liked my first chapter.**

**Minervas girl (youre lucky to be that lol) : Thanks a lot, and thanks for reviewing ! ^_^**

After a few depressing months going at this rate and making herself sick over the fact she could never possibly hope to touch even one hair of the revered head of the respectable Professor Mcgonnagall, it had occurred to Hermione that even if there wasn't a chance _in theory_ for the much desired relationship to turn out between her and the scholarly deputy headmistress, there _could _perhaps be a minimalist possibility for it to work better in practice.

The keen student could not find any other solution, on afterthought, than to at least make an attempt to reach the donnish woman's heart. It would not cost her more, she believed, than what she was actually going through, and the other option, forgetting all about the raven haired and probably _straight _witch was inconceivable, she could simply not do it.

She had tried and tried, but not a book in the universe, not a hobby or pastime, not anything she was going through with Harry and Ron trying to put a stop to the dark Lord and his followers could make her block out the recurring images of silky, ebony locks of hair falling freely on a magnetic, wise, and smoothly contoured ageing face and of large, deep, forthcoming jade green eyes, hunting her every second of every minute of every day.

In her head, she had gone through all the possible ways to get to Minerva. For a bright inventive girl like her, there were many, but really none of them seemed truly viable. She had imagined diverse courses of action, from hanging a banner in the Great Hall claiming "I love you Minerva, signed Hermione Granger" to writing anonymous love letters and letting her prey slowly guess at who she was. The first idea was definitely humoristic but would probably end up with her dear professor undergoing a sudden heart attack, as the second would take too much time, would be kind to imply fruitless effort and would also most likely enrage the normally cool headed, intellectual woman.

Hermione knew too well the lady could become a hurricane when angered, she had proved it over and over again through the years, and more recently in her fight with Umbridge, that despicable harpy who had hurt her beloved professor so much. No, the best solution definitely needed to be simpler.

And she thought maybe the right thing to do would be to consult the local expert in matters of the heart; Ginny Weasley. Hermione had not talked to her a lot recently, because she had quite closed herself up to everybody except on rare occasions regarding homework, but she still thought the redhead was quite sensible and fun to be with. So she made her way through a group of shrieking, giggling fifth years to reach the popular girl with the flame colored mane.

-Gin? Can I speak to you for a minute? Or maybe do you have time later on, after dinner? Hermione asked, trying to not look annoyed at the other girls leaping at each other and yelling nonsense gossip about sexy Slytherin boys.

-Herm! It's been a mighty lot since we last talked! Sure I have time for you, I'll come right now… See you girls! she yelled at the others, her voice so resembling the overpoweringly joyful one of her mother.

When they sat themselves on a comfortable bench in a deserted corner of the big inner courtyard of the castle and Ginny looked more attentively at the tired lines of Hermione's face, the frown she made mimicked the concerned one Molly Weasley would have used.

-Is something wrong, herm? You look strapping pale right now. Are you sick or something? she asked, anxious.

-No, no, don't worry about that; I'm just working a lot. Hermione brushed the comment away. I have a lot of things on my mind right now. That's why I came to talk to you actually. she added, forcing a smile to reassure her friend.

-Yah, blimey! Talk to me about it!

-Well… I feel weird talking about this, but I'm kinda into someone right now, and…

-Whoop, whoop! Who's she? Ginny exclaimed, manifestly happy at her friend's revelation.

-W-what? Hermione stayed dumbfounded at her friend's perspicacity.

-Don't tell me you thought nobody noticed…Ginny said, smiling.

-W-w-wait! What do you mean?

-Well, to me, it seemed quite clear you were gay, I wouldn't say many persons guessed but I know you quite well, and I know how to interpret you...

-What is so obvious in the way I act? Hermione questioned, eager to know what had betrayed her.

-I knew ever since I saw you trying to look up Sinistra's black denim pencil skirt in third year when she was giving that lecture about being careful during the meteorite fall season to the whole girl dormitory. I reckon her stilettos and stockings would have turned me gay too if I wasn't so mad on boys, like you know… Ginny was now smiling from ear to ear, finding the anecdote awfully funny, to Hermione's consternation.

-Merlin! I can't believe someone knew! I myself, have only discovered this last year…

-Sorry if it bothers you I know, but there's no reason to worry, I wouldn't tell a soul really, and you're totally free to talk about your sweetie too…Ginny added, still smiling incitingly.

Hermione, who had started to take the situation more lightly herself, seeing her friend was not disgusted by this, felt her face fall down rapidly.

-That's exactly the problem, she doesn't love me back. the pretty light chestnut brunette almost whispered, achingly, her eyes fluttering to keep some tears from falling.

-How do you know? the vibrant ginger head girl asked.

-I just know. There's no way she could return my feelings. Not a way.

With those words Hermione's shoulders slouched. Ginny put a warm hand on her back, rubbing it in a comforting manner.

-Listen, darling, you are such a pretty, witty person, there is no reason why this girl wouldn't like you, at least as a friend. I know you are far too intelligent not to have fine taste in girls, so she must be really nice. I'm sure she won't react badly if you tell her, even if she says she doesn't feel the same; you have more to loose if you don't do anything about your feelings. Not trying is already loosing, you know.

-Yes, I get you, but I don't k now how I would react if she rejected me, as she probably will. I think it would destroy me.

Hermione wiped her cheeks while she talked.

-Well, think about it for a while at least, and if you are ready, try and tell her. When you will be ok to tell me who it is or whenever you want to talk about it again, promise you'll come see me? Ginny asked with a gentle smile.

-Yes. And thank you. Hermione answered gratefully.

-You're welcome.

Ginny smiled again, hugged her friend, picked up her blue messenger bag and walked her way to her lessons, leaving a concerned Hermione with loads to think about…

**Hahhaaha, I think I made Ginny a little OOC, I bet some of her expressions surprised you! Yeah I made her talk in a very Ron-like manner, but I like it she has his unrefined quality and also great perspicacity (or great gaydar) call it what you want ; ). I reckon I stole the coming out scene from **_**Gray matters **_**just a little. ; ) **

**Don't forget to press that marvelous button, it makes me so happy.**


	3. I know what I'm gonna do

_**Disclaimer : If I owned Harry Potter less characters would be dead**_

_**Author's note : Short chap, but I wanted to post it quicker, even if I was going to write the rest and post it all together at first.**_

Hermione had decided to follow Ginny's advice, she would tell Minerva in person about her feelings, and hope with all her heart she would at least listen to what she had to say.

She had not told Ginny, but hurting herself had become quite habitual for her since November and she had to find another way to evacuate her feelings fast or she would quickly end up in the hospital wing.

Every time she thought about Minerva she would try to tear away the feeling by pinching her own arm hard or by scratching her calf deeply, sometimes draining some blood, it could happen anywhere, in the Great Hall or a classroom, but she would be so quiet that nobody would see the bad treatment she was imposing herself.

Since her talk with Ginny, this behavior had diminished a little, even if she was still beating herself up mentally all the time, thinking she was such an awful fool for loving someone she shouldn't, and that she would never be loved back by anyone anyway.

Strangely, the thought of revealing everything to Minerva helped her calm those destructive actions and she began to hope that the woman would actually react positively to her advances.

She was still observing her Transfiguration professor closely in every class and everytime they were in a room together, and she began thinking that Minerva could be a lesbian too, because when she talked to female students or female co-workers, she would always slightly lean more in their personal space than with men.

The brunette did not know if she was imagining that because she wanted to, but Minerva's gaze would more often linger on the female representatives present in a room than on the male ones, and she was also a close friend of Madam Hooch, an obvious butch. She just hoped they were not as close as to actually share a bed, because that would be even worse than if she discovered Minerva was a red-blooded homophobe.

She had set the date of her revelation to be on Minerva's birthday, which she knew came on the 14th of January. She just felt it made sense because Minerva could not be in a bad mood on her own birthday, and the pretext to come by to give her best wishes was too rare to miss.

So, all week before the Sunday 14th, she went in her mind again and again to find what the best speech would be.

The scribbles in her diary showed her different attempts:

_**Professor**__** (crossed out) Minerva, I know we aren't very close and that we're not even actual friends, not as much as I would want us to be anyway, but I love you. (all this line was crossed out)**_

_**Minerva, I am underage, and a student, and what I am about to say is forbidden, I know, but it's just the truth: I love you. (the line was crossed out again)**_

_**Minerva, can I please kiss you? Why? To save me. I love you so much it hurts, I'm drowning, you're killing me, for Merlin's sake! (line crossed out)**_

_**Minerva, I love you. **__**I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.(line crossed out)**_

In the end, after many tries, she thought it would be better to just let that go and improvise when the moment would come. After all, she had no idea how the professor would react to what she would tell her, and her speech was subject to change in many ways according to what Minerva would say or do.


	4. A confession

_**Author's note : **__**Ok this is the part where things get difficult, I don't think teacher-student relationships are bound to work well, so what choice have I? Good side is we will finally have our first glimpse at the goddess who goes by the name of Minerva McGonagall.**_

Hermione was holding her knuckles close together: they had become white because she was closing them too forcefully. She had foregone her usual robes to put some on that were the color of rich dark blue, really more form-fitting on her, and more fancy than the school robes. She had been standing in front of the heavy wooden oak door imprinted in gold with the name _**Minerva McGonagall**_for the last fifteen minutes. The door was too thick to let her hear if there was anybody inside or if there was, what the people inside were doing.

It was 11:15 p.m. and curfew was already over, so she thought she should definitely move before someone nasty like Filch or Snape found her in the corridor. She held her hand high and knocked delicately, but soundly on the door.

A few seconds later, her Transfiguration professor opened the door largely, with rosy-colored cheeks and a big smile, in her never changing dark green robes, with her usual bun and pointy hat, but with no glasses on. Her bun was a little looser than usual though, and her breath seemed to hold a mild honey, spicy quality that pointed to the fact she must have been enjoying a few glasses of nicely aged fire whiskey in the evening.

Hermione was happy to see her professor smiling, which was unusual, but she once again felt that she would have been better off staying in her chambers crying for the rest of the night, instead of having had the guts to come there (Damn me for being such a Gryffindor!).

-Miss Granger, what can I do for you ? Do you want to come in ? – Minerva asked, still smiling and holding the door gently open. She had something in her voice though, that remained strictly the attitude of a professor towards her student, even if she particularly appreciated an eager one as Hermione.

-Yes professor, thank you – Hermione managed to mumble.

-Please take a seat in my rest room; I will bring up tea for you.

Minerva left towards her small kitchen without letting time for Hermione to answer.

Hermione found strange that her teacher had not yet questioned her about why she had came to see her, it was not something she did often after all, and when she did it was under very special circumstances, like wanting help on something for Harry or her work as a prefect, or for advice on school work. The fact she appeared after curfew would have also been a supplementary reason to question her. But she just awaited Minerva's return, with a sick and tightening feeling in the pit of her stomach.

The elegant lady was soon back with a tray of hot tea and ginger biscuits in her long, delicate hands. She landed it smoothly on the tea table, sat back straight in a tartan loveseat across from the tartan armchair Hermione was sitting in, folded her hands on her lap and waited for the brunette to talk, her eyebrow raised in question.

Hermione felt like she was in an altered state of mind, like she was hypnotized by the green eyes in front of her. She was beginning to forget why she had come there. Seeing Minerva was still looking at her, waiting for her to speak up, she thought she would start with something simple:

-Professor, erm, Happy Birthday. I heard from Professor Dumbledore, well more overheard the Headmaster telling Professor Sprout about your birthday party, the other day, so I thought I'd come by and give you my best wishes.

Hermione tried to keep a smile on her face while she was saying this, but the anguish she felt inside kept it from feeling real at all.

-Why, thank you Miss Granger! – Minerva said, surprised that that was the reason Hermione had come see her – You must be the only student to have remembered my birthday in decades, I've had so many anniversaries though, that I'm always surprised when someone remembers them, apart from a few close friends of course. I actually just came back half an hour ago from a really good dinner with Headmaster Dumbledore, the majority of your teachers and other close friends in London. It was excellent. – Minerva added, still smiling.

Hermione was shocked her secret love was so opened up about what she had done during the evening, the professor always seemed so strict and stern in character that the students never expected her to sympathise or talk about personal subjects with them.

-I'm happy you had a nice evening professor. And you shouldn't worry about anyone ever forgetting you, I'm certain that anyone who would be lucky enough as to be close to you, would never be absent enough to forget an exceptional woman like you – Hermione said, just realizing she had made a big compliment to her professor that she did not know how she would take.

-Again, Miss Granger, you are too kind, I did not do anything to deserve such praise… - Minerva was a little embarrassed and tried to brush the compliment away. Even though she found Hermione was an exceptional young girl too, it would not suit well to socialize too much with her, as her authority figure.

-Oh yes you did. – Hermione just said with no further explanation.

Minerva was embarrassed again, and she hoped Miss Granger would not elaborate on the subject, because she was not comfortable with shows of affection, especially coming from students.

-Miss Granger, was there anything else you wanted to talk to me about? – Minerva asked, hoping that was all.

-Yes there was, Hermione answered, hesitant and shuddering a little, her eyes falling from Minerva's face to rest on her own hands, feeling her confidence falter again.

Minerva felt that it was something important upon hearing Hermione's quivering tone, and her face became filled with concern at once. She leaned across the tea table to put a hand on Hermione's and asked :

-Hermione, has anything happened to you? You know that I will help as much as I can. You _need_ to tell me if anything bad happened… - Minerva asked, her warm tone encouraging the young girl to answer.

-Yes, indeed, something's happened to me, but it's not really a bad thing… well… depends on how you see it of course…

-What is it, Hermione? It must be important if you came to talk to me about it, so just go ahead, I am listening, dear.

-I know it is something... I should keep to myself, because mostly everybody will regard it as wrong, but I needed to tell you Minerva, because if I don't, I don't know what it could do to me, I really lost my grip on events lately, and if I don't tell you what I feel right now, I might simply lose it…

Minerva was very shocked to hear the girl say her first name so easily; she rarely allowed that to anybody, and in Hogwarts, nobody referred to her other than with her title in public. But she let the girl speak, because she needed to know what was going on with her.

Hermione took a deep breath before speaking.

-Minerva, I love you.

I could not live another day without knowing if you could return my feelings.

I know you are a too much respectable woman to be willing to be with me, even if you were to consider it, but I need to tell you how I feel.

I can't offer much, apart from my heart and my unending devotion, but I can't keep my silence either.

I love you.

This is not a crush, this is not a passing obsession, it's real, and I would understand if you were never to speak to me again, but if you will listen, I can also cite a million reasons why you and I could work out together, apart from the assurance of my affection…

Hermione spoke fast, because she thought if she took a second to breathe, she would not be able to continue what she had to say; she would break down.

All the time Hermione talked, Minerva was listening, eyes open wide and unblinking, mouth agape, her jaw falling more and more to the ground every second, if that was only possible. She was so shocked that she did not even think of letting down Hermione in a gentle way. She was so out of herself that she did not take any time to think about what her words could do to the young girl.

The first word she felt she could utter was a high-pitched :

-What!

Then she came back to a more normal manner of speaking, and:

-Miss Granger! _That_ is far from appropriate, if not totally unacceptable! How could you ever come to such a conclusion like thinking you could have feelings for me, it is completely unbelievable! I am your Professor! Your Head of house! Decades your senior! And I don't remember ever having let on that such a thing as an intimate _relationship _could ever happen between me and a student. What happened to you? Were you out of your mind?

Hermione couldn't believe her ears. She loved that person with all she ever was or possessed, and the first thing that came to the woman's mind when she revealed her feelings was to yell at her and tell her off in the most brutal manner.

-Yes. I must have been – Hermione snapped abruptly. She stood up sharply, tears flowing from her eyes, and ran away : through the door, through the moving stairs, through the Great Hall, and outside of the castle; she passed the big iron gates.

She found herself running down the road towards Hogsmeade town. She crossed the village in mere minutes, not once glancing back at the fortress at the top of the hill, her tears never stopping. She quickly went where her disarrayed mind was first telling her to and finally collapsed against the wall of Hogsmeade train station, underneath the sign reading _Platform 1: the Hogwarts Express_.

After a few minutes panting and hyperventilating, she composed herself as much as she could, before walking in trance towards the only ticket booth of the station, which was magically automated. She just had to put some galleons in for the ticket to fall, with just one sentence imprinted on it: _Dear costumer, you will arrive in London by 4:00 a.m. on platform 9 ¾ and your train will be entering Platform 1 at Hogsmeade station in 21,5 minutes._

Hermione stared intently at her ticket while the minutes ticked by, the writing transforming like a chronometer at every 0,5 minute.

-Can't it go any faster? I need to get the hell out of here, Hermione thought to herself.


	5. I had no choice

A young woman was waiting, arms crossed, unmoving, nervously looking at her train ticket, impatiently expecting something. It was not the something she was waiting for, though, which made its appearance first on the platform; it was the something she most wanted to escape.

-Miss Granger, would you be as kind to give up on this nonsense and please accompany me back to your common room? - McGonagall's tone was icy cold. She did not appreciate people, and especially students, messing with her, and she was willing to be as rigid as she could to bring Hermione to her senses.

No answer came from Hermione.

-Miss Granger, please, don't you think you are overreacting just a little? I'm sure we'll find a way to work everything out if we just calmly go back to the castle for the night.

-I'm not going back. – Hermione said in a decided tone and without looking back at her Head of House.

-What do you mean, Miss Granger? There is just one place where you belong and it is at your schooling establishment, so we will just apparate back at Hogwarts and I'll lead you to your dormitory. Everything will be clearer in the morning, for both of us.

-Don't tire yourself out, my decision is already made. I'm leaving.

-It's out of question. You are under my responsibility, young girl, and you will do as I say, thank you kindly. – Minerva's eyebrows were knit together and she was beginning to get angry.

Hermione finally turned around, her face red, her eyes sending flashes of lightning.

-I could not stay within one mile of you knowing you think so little of me! I finally understood how low and disgusting I appear to you, so I will leave your sight for forever, so you don't have to stand my insufferable presence anymore!

-What the bloody hell are you talking about? I think very highly of you Hermione, I have always had, ever since I first met you, and this fondness grew when I saw all the efforts you made through the years to maintain your standard of excellence; but what I don't understand is : Why try and destroy everything, now you've come so far? Why compromise your future and your reputation by acting irrationally and throwing everything to the wind over one little deception. I think you are bright enough to know it's not worth it.

-How dare you tell me what is worth it for me or not? I am the only one who is able to determine what I value the most in life, and nobody has the right to judge that.

-All right, all right, Hermione! What _must_ I say so you come back with me? I know I don't need to use any force on you, we can talk like two intelligent adults; so just tell me what you want me to say!

-Say you'll spend time with me. – Hermione said in a weak voice.

-What? I did not quite hear that Hermione.

-Say you'll see me at least twice a week, just as friends, to talk.

Minerva was embarrassed, torn between saying Amen to everything the girl said, so she could bring her back as quickly as possible, and categorically refusing to accept the awkward situation she was trying to put her in.

-Twice a week, Hermione? You know I have many duties in the school, I'm Deputy Headmistress, I'm your Head of House, I attend every prefect's meeting and I'm your Transfiguration teacher. I don't have enough free time for that. And after what you told me earlier, I don't think being simple friends is really what you want, it wouldn't be satisfying for you.

-Fine! – Hermione said, resolutely turning her back to Minerva and looking at the rails again- my train is getting here anyway, so I guess it'll be a farewell after all, Professor McGonagall – she said through silent tears.

-Granted, Miss Granger! You win! I'll do it! Come with me now? – The dignified professor turned in a flash of green and headed towards the exit of the station.

Hermione dropped her ticket to the ground and followed slowly in Minerva's footsteps, gently drying her tears with her sleeves.

-Hang on to me Miss Granger. - Minerva ordered when they were at a safe distance from the train.

Hermione hesitated, and then took the proffered arm. As she clung to Minerva, surrounded by the compressing, spinning sensation, she had to berate herself so she would not follow the instinct to lay her heavy, exhausted head on the woman's lithe shoulder. Under normal circumstances, it would have seemed odd enough to do so, but now, it would seem totally _unacceptable _as Minerva had so delicately put it. The young woman resisted the pull she felt towards the warm body pressed against her, keeping her distances as much as she could, and waited until they arrived, desperate to collapse on her bed and shed all the tears of her body.

**Please review, it makes my day :)**


	6. I fear everything's out

Hermione had not gone to her Potions class on Monday morning. After the dreadful confrontation she had had with a certain green-eyed Transfiguration master, she did not really feel like seeing anybody, or worse, talking to anyone.

When a redheaded, worried looking young girl came knocking at the door of her dorm, she just thought, in a very muggle and familiar manner: "Shit, shit, shit, shit. Can't I be left alone? For God's sake! " She knew somebody would come knocking when her absence made itself known, but she had hoped Snape would be too wrapped up in himself to notice her this time. She was wrong. The Potions Master had sent Ginny Weasley to get her straight away when he had first roamed his cold black eyes over the joint fifth and sixth years' Gryffindor assembly.

So, unfortunately, the brunette with gold sparkles and tears in her eyes, and with red trails of dried lachrymal liquid on her cheeks, did not get much time to rest. After the sleepless night she had had, and the strained nerves she had developed, it did not bode well for anyone who would come disturb her.

-Hermione! It's me, Ginny! Snape sent me up to know what you were doing?

-I'd just like to be alone, thanks! – Hermione answered after suppressing a frustrated scream in her tear-stained pillow.

-Please tell me what's wrong! I'll make up an excuse for Snape, but I want to know what's happened for such a serious student as you to not show up in class!

-I have my reasons, on which I do not intend to comment – Hermione said in a distant, somewhat McGonagall-like manner.

-I'm sorry to insist, Hermione, but I'm your friend and that's what friends do when they care about each other : Is it about the girl you mentioned last month?

-Yes.

-Didn't your revelation go well? – Ginny asked in a sad voice.

That brought back in Hermione's head the insensitive way Minerva had turned her down and the severe way she had had of looking at her ever since she told her. She began to sob.

-Oh Hermione, I'm so sorry. Now I feel bad about the advice I gave you. Please open up, so I can at least hug you?

Ginny heard some rummaging noises inside and then slow, dragged footsteps could be heard coming towards the door she was resting her head on. She drew back so Hermione could open it, and stepped in and hugged her as soon she did, kneading her small fingers into her friend's bushy hair.

When she looked at Hermione's bed, the snivelling girl still in her arms, she saw Hermione must have just picked up most of the Kleenexes that had littered the floor, because her trash can was laden with them. She brought Hermione with her so they could sit together on the bed, but she did not say anything more, because she had the feeling Hermione wanted to keep her silence for the moment.

After a few minutes sitting in this position with Hermione resting against her welcoming shoulder, she finally allowed herself to ask the question that burned her lips :

-Can you explain what happened, sweetie?

Hermione sighed and answered.

-Well, that's it. She rejected me. It was obvious she was going to, I shouldn't have let myself believe it could have ever been otherwise.

-You had the right to try Hermione, you couldn't know…

-Oh yes I knew, it was so much against the rules that it could not happen.

-I know you are both girls, but that's not enough for your love to be forbidden…

-That's not just it, the reason I did not tell you who she was is because she is a teacher – Hermione finally let her biggest secret out.

-Oh goodness! I was not aware of that… I'm sorry, but I can't imagine who it would be, I don't mean to sound rude but all our female teachers are quite old and I don't believe one of them is pretty…

-I knew you couldn't understand, I shouldn't have told you!

-I'm sorry, I know different strokes go for different folks, but who is it then? I won't tell I assure.

-It's Professor McGonagall – Hermione finally let out, dejected.

-Oh… - Ginny just said, not wanting to comment more than she already had.

-WHAT THE…? – Came the cry from the doorway

-RON! What are you doing up here, it's the girl's place! – Yelled a flustered Ginny Weasley.

-Oh no! He shouldn't have heard that – Hermione said, her head falling in her hands out of shame.

-I can't believe you're choosing an old hag of a professor over me! – Yelled Ron once again.

That somehow angered Hermione even more than her present situation.

-Ronald Weasley! How dare you believe you have any rights on my person? I am completely entitled to choose who I'm attracted to and who I want to go out with! Is that clear? Minerva McGonagall isn't an old hag! She's… she's… everything to me! By the way, sorry to break it to you but I'm a LESBIAN! – With that, Hermione ran out, far from her friends, leaving a shocked Ron and a speechless Ginny in her wake.

While she was running a few corridors away from the portrait of the Fat Lady, she bumped literally into Harry who had come looking for Ron and Ginny, who had not been back to class for a good fifteen minutes.

Hermione was out of breath and still in a rage.

-Might as well tell everybody since you're about to know any second now anyway! I LOVE MINERVA MCGONAGALL! Here you go, the secret's out!

Harry did not say anything because he did not understand why Hermione was suddenly mad at him and it took him a few seconds to catch on what Hermione had said. By then, she had already fled in another direction.

-Oh my… - He thought out loud before taking a move again to find Ron and his soon-to-be girlfriend.

During the next few days, Hermione pointedly avoided the matter of her little outburst, and sent murderous looks at her three friends whenever she felt they were about to broach the subject. The two Weasleys and the Boy who lived finally gave up on trying to reassure her (Ron had finally come down from his little jealousy trip) and talked about anything else than Hermione's romantic agenda when she was in their vicinity. They instead murmured about the worry they felt for her when she was away at the library and they had resolved to wait for her to open up again at any random moment.

Hermione was apprehensive about going to class with Minerva again, and she cowered in the back of the classroom when she got in Transfiguration. She was later than usual and she had chosen to desert her usual Prize student seat at the very front next to the Teacher's desk.

Minerva was not there until two minutes before the appointed time, which made every student turn back at her when she stepped in. She seemed clearly uneasy about something and when she passed Hermione's new seating place, she barely allowed herself a glance towards the girl and felt a shame she had did nothing in her free will to deserve.

She picked up where she had left the class last time and during the whole lesson, she did not once look at Hermione or ask her a question. Hermione could not mind because she was avoiding the exact same thing, from her place in the back.

At the end of the hour though, before Hermione could run away to Charms, Minerva called her asking for her to stay behind. Hermione froze but did as was demanded, figuring it must have something to do with the "request" she had made to Minerva on that fretful night and that her favourite teacher would propose her a date for their first "friendly" reunion.

-Miss Granger, please bring a chair up to sit in front of my desk, this might take a few minutes – Minerva stated in a professional tone of voice.

Hermione nodded, and did so, lowering her eyes to the ground as had become her habit around the object of her dreams.

Minerva did not feel strong enough to hold the chocolate, golden gaze yet, also. So she looked at her desk while she spoke.

-Miss Granger, I know I made a sort of promise to you the other night… I thought about it and I still don't think it was a good idea to begin with. If you need to speak about your issues with someone, as I imagine you do, I'd like for you to consider talking with someone who has the professional formation to counsel you, like Poppy, who has a doctorate in Psychology from Yale University. Even Headmaster Dumbledore would be an excellent choice for you to go to; he has certainly helped many students sort things out in their head, including me when he was my teacher. He would be a much more recommendable choice than me as I am much too involved in the problem to provide you with an external eye on what you are feeling.

Hermione was crying silent tears during her teacher's small speech. When Minerva did not hear an answer after a few seconds, she finally looked up from her focus point on her desk and met the tear-stained face of her pupil.

-Oh god, Hermione. You must know it hurts me to be this way towards you but I don't have a choice. Please don't cry, it makes it even more difficult. I'd like to comfort you, but as I said, I'm not in a good position to. – She did not dare touch Hermione in case it would become even worse.

-The only thing I understand from what you are saying is that you never cared about me and you prefer to leave me to the hands of anyone so you are rid of me. You are just like my parents, turning their back on me when they discover I'm different. Thank you a lot Professor, but I think I'd better be left to myself as it is, I don't need your tips on who could _counsel _me. I only needed one thing and I have been proved once again it was impossible for me to obtain it. So if you will please excuse me, I will go to Charms, where I hope at least one person will miss my absence.

It took all of Hermione's self control not to break down completely while she was saying this. She stood up and was about to leave when Minerva grabbed her wrist turning her around.

-I think I get it Miss Granger, it's alright. I'm sorry. I guess I was wrong, I must be the best person for you to talk to after all. Well at least when you know me better you may come to see I'm not the perfect image you made up in your mind. – At this Minerva tried to smile feebly to slightly lighten the atmosphere, if she could.

Hermione remained where she was, but her eyes had a hopeful sparkle again.

-Then you are invited to come see me at my quarters on Friday night, Miss Granger. 8 p.m. Tea will be ready.

Minerva again allowed herself a tentative smile. She really wanted to make sure Hermione understood that she was sincere in showing she wanted to help her. She didn't want to mess with the girl's feelings any more than she already had. They had taken such a toll on her young pupil that she feared the otherwise perfect student could not totally control her own actions any longer.

-Thank you Professor. See you on Friday then.

She left the classroom and Minerva stayed right where she was, shaking her head trying to push away confusing thoughts.

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